Posts filed under ‘mental heath’

a cast-off

*

*

refuse negligently tossed aside

floating amongst natural beauty

nothing can change undesirable

she will never conform

*

*

IMG_7675

*

IMG_7670

*

IMG_7672

*

Photography by Jordan

Photos taken at Campus Lake at Southern Illinois University

Carbondale, IL

 *

May 29, 2014 at 2:44 pm 1 comment

drops of…..

ξ

tears of deep red

well up –

some trickle,

some drip –

all dissipate in time.

ξ

memories become stains –

a scar,

a mark

on one’s heart and soul.

ξ

ξ

ξ

saddd

9/17/13

September 18, 2013 at 3:10 pm 6 comments

languish

in the shadows

in the dark

behind walls

behind locks and chains

lying

still.

alone.

barely

beating

but

alive.

communicating

through

fear

and

pain.

a

feeble

existence

without

desire

but

to

forget,

to

feel

nothing,

to

disappear.

September 17, 2013 at 4:26 pm 15 comments

frigid

nights are growing cold

&

inside is growing colder…&

frigid…

the more frigid, more numb.

the more numb, less pain.

the less pain, less sadness.

the less sadness, less tears.

the less tears

there be…

nights are growing cold

&

my being is growing colder…

a foggy, hazy morning

September 17, 2013 at 2:55 pm 15 comments

mourning – still

*

a gaping wound –

re-opens

brought on by random thoughts;

a memory of words once spoken

and

a voice which made me laugh.

*

a gaping wound –

re-opens

while sitting on my bike;

i am drafting behind you –

trying desperately to keep up.

*

a gaping wound –

re-opens

while watching my son

behind the wheel;

remembering all the times he rode shot-gun

with you in go-carts

and

on Buzz Lightyear.

*

a gaping wound –

re-opens

each time

leading to a hole inside my heart.

it is an empty space

where tears continue to flow

and

light ceases to exist.

*

a gaping wound –

re-opens

each time ‘those’ memories come to pass;

when reality digs deeper into my soul –

that you are gone forever

and

never coming back.

*

*

*

buzz

Spring Break 2004
Disney World
Orlando, Florida

September 3, 2013 at 2:45 pm 22 comments

the looking glass

truth or distortion?

what is it you see?

is it a contrived perception

or

the person you believe yourself to be?

a mirror can be a friend –

revealing beauty

inside or out.

it can also be a fraud –

killing life’s dreams

and

fueling one’s doubts.

there is always too much –

never any less.

nothing ever seems right,

though we desperately try our best.

the eyes only see

what they alone can see

and

the mind stands behind

to confirm what it all means.

some people find contentment –

they are happy just to be

and

there are those

who struggle daily

never

liking

what they see.

August 29, 2013 at 4:46 pm 4 comments

illusion then & now

*

dreams of fairies, swans and dolls

ruled a childhood

from the earliest dawn.

*

bobby pins, tulle, satin and lace

created an illusion –

cloaked the scars on her face.

*

pirouettes, arabesques, and jetes abound –

freedom of movement

in which a life could be found.

*

the studio and stage –

being her only home,

where the world was shut out

and

she could feel safe on her own.

*

dreaming, dancing, LIFE – they are all the same

they create an illusion

of smiles, beauty and grace

but

the reality is such

no one chooses to see –

it’s what we do to ourselves to be

what you want us to be.

ς

ς

 

August 28, 2013 at 3:20 pm 14 comments

seeing me

·

you see what you see when you look at me

but

i do not see the me you see.

i see the me i believe myself to be

and

to me this is the true me.

·

you do not see the true me.

·

the world wants to see a me they want to see –

a certain type of me

a me that will fit in a category they feel i should be –

a thinner me

a younger me

a smarter me

a beautiful me

a confident me

a successful me

all of the etc… me’s

·

the world will never see

a me that will never be.

·

why?

·

because the me i see is the only me i see

and

the only me i have ever seen

and

the only me i ever will see.

·

is it real?

is it true?

I do not know  –

it is the only truth i have ever seen

and

if it is not real,

then i would not know,

because it is the only truth

i have ever been able to see.

·

does it matter?

no.

because the world will only see what it wants to see

based on what the world says it should see.

an afterthought –

no matter what, people are going to see what they want to see.  is it right? no.  should it matter?  no.  i can lie and say it does not matter to me – does not matter one bit.  but it does matter, because you want people to like you, get to know you, and want to be with you and – hell – maybe, even truly fall in love with you. 

August 27, 2013 at 2:48 pm 18 comments

final flight

ς

she was standing on a precipice

looking down upon the clouds.

her mind littered with memories,

lots of questions

and

crowded with doubts.

ς

her body stood as if frozen –

not a quiver or a flinch

and her face was cold as a stone –

not a blink or even a wince.

ς

it seemed as if time stood still

but the hours kept passing by…

as reflections of her past –

regrets

and

pain

refused to back down or die.

ς

then

ς

tears began to fall

as despair jumped in to grab hold –

there was no turning back,

no redemption of faith –

she let go and threw away her soul.

ς

ς

she stood at the edge of the precipice…

on the tips of her toes…

she opened her arms…

took one last breath…

and

flew far away

from

all

of

life’s

woes…..

ς

ς

ς

August 26, 2013 at 2:47 pm 16 comments

one step – maybe

one step forward

two steps back

.

one step forward

three steps back

..

one step forward

one step back

.

when does back stay back

&

forward only go forward?

August 17, 2013 at 4:19 pm 15 comments

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